me in ten years sipping a glass of cabernet sauvignon and stroking my blonde husband's hair while reading my old blog posts on my computerized coffee table and sitting on my humane leather couch:
oh marshall, look at how foolish i was as a child. it's really too embarrassing dear, don't look. whatever could i have been thinking?
marshall anderson cheveringsley-gore:
well dear, we were all "sjws" back then, weren't we
[BOTH LAUGH.]
me:
oh goodness, look at the time on our hypoallergenic floral clock. do be a dear marshall and pick up ethylene hyphasia from her traditional greek lyre lessons, it's almost time for her psychodentistry appointment and she has been so petulant lately. two is a terrible age.
marshall [straightening his hand-embroidered silk cravat]:
shall i pick up another carafe of calcium-fortified quinoa juice while i'm at it, darling?
me [steadily pouring the bottle of cabernet onto the white ivory floor]:
that would be so good of you, marshall
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